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When is it time to let go of a relationship?

October 11, 2016

 

This is a challenging question to answer because the dynamics of every relationship are different. However, I am going to answer in a generalized fashion. Before I continue let me clarify; that I am answering this question as it pertains to unmarried couples since the submitter did not specify if they were married or not.  

 

Here are five things to look for:

 

1) The desire to spend time together has significantly diminished.

2) The time you do spend together is spent in conflict rather than connection.

3) When the relationship lacks, transparency and vulnerability.

4) When there is no intimacy, emotional or physical.

5) An overwhelming amount of discord exists between families and friends. 

 

1) The desire to spend time together has significantly diminished.

 

Remember when you couldn't spend a moment apart from one another? You did everything together to the point where your friends and his were giving you a hard time.  It may be time to reflect and determine, when did this change and what brought about this change? In healthy relationships, the goal is to spend a balanced amount with your partner. This leads to number 2...

 

2) The time you do spend together is spent in conflict rather than connection.

 

When you and your mate are spending time together, is that time enjoyable? Or do you find yourself frequently out for a nice dinner that ends up in a grim gridlocked discussion? If every outing becomes a dreaded venture, it may be time to reconsider if this is a positive relationship to continue investing in. Time spent with your mate should be pleasant, enjoyable and desirable.  On to number 3...

 

3) When the relationship lacks, transparency and vulnerability.

 

When you find yourself having conversations that are surface level, they lack transparency and vulnerability this is a red flag.  This red flag is an indication that should not be ignored.  How can you be in an authentic relationship with someone who is not willing to be vulnerable and transparent with you?  I have heard couples tell me that they don't know anything about their mates family or past relationships because their partner doesn't want to talk about those things. Look I can understand when you don't want to share very personal things with a stranger, but over time a level of comfort should be in place in your relationship where this rule no longer applies.  So now let's tackle number 4...

 

4) When there is no intimacy, emotional or physical.

 

Number four ties into number three for obvious reasons.  How emotionally and physically connected do you feel you are with your mate.  Do you still extend grace to your partner when he or she does something wrong or do you lack complete empathy in your response? One of the first things that attract us to another person is their physical appearance. Do you still get butterflies ladies when your man comes into the room or does it feel more like a case of bad food poisoning? Guys, do your palms begin to sweat when your girl walks up or do you break out into a cold sweat because you are trying to figure out your easiest exit strategy?  Look it may be shallow but in the realm of relationship 101, when the attraction is gone; the relationship is not far behind.  Lastly, number 5...

 

5) An overwhelming amount of discord exists between families and friends. 

 

I have discussed the four other signs to look for when you are considering ending your relationship, and number five is really a bonus reason.  When your family and friends’ detest your mate, it may not be worth taking on the long-term fight and here's why. When we are hurt, we often turn to family or friends for support, then when we have made up with our "honey" our family and friends, well they are still bent out of shape. So when there is discord among your family and friends, in addition to the relationship failing in the four other areas discussed above, it may be time to call it quits.

 

Ultimately, I believe individuals know when it is time to walk away, but loyalty, longevity, and low self-esteem in some cases prevents us from doing so.  If you find yourself struggling with these important relationship problems counseling can help.

 

This blog is reader driven, so if you have a question you would like answered submit it here!

 

 

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